Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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