I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
