yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I smell like Dick and happiness
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
