We're facebook friends in real life
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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