Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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