It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
