she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Holy sore nipples Batman
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize