my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
