He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
