I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
