That's intense
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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