My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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