Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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