did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
