Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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