Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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