I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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