He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
