She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
