Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
When are your genitals available?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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