Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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