Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I DEMAND FORESKIN
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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