I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
