She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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