you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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