She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
