Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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