Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
