there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
