dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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