i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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