talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
