i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize