I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
