Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
