the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
