I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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