i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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