Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
