DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
