You made me cry and you don't even care
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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