How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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