I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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