Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
