He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
