At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
