I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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