You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
