For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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