i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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