I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
