she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
