i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize