VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I am naked and annoyed.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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