Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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