pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
