I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
