The maid of honor just puked.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
