cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
