it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
