he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
