I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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