It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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