He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize