yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
