I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my phone needs a breathalizer
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
