false alarm. still invincible.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
