I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
