BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
