drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
