So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
