I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Randomize
