So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize