All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
