He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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