Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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