Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
