I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
