Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
