Already got asked if we're dating
Quick, to the slutcave!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize