Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
