Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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