Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
