On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We are all done wearing pants today
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
do nipples grow back?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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